Star Trek Voyager and the Trekkers
by Jaala
Summary: A two-parter! Prime Directive, moral dilemmas, new aliens, unnamed extras, romance, and more!
1. Default Chapter

**AN: No, I couldn't stay away from parodies. This is a slightly different one, mainly because I'm parodizing another aspect than usual. Note, I started writing this right after Tom and B'Elanna got married and before B'Elanna became pregnant, so this is not up-to-date. Oh well. Thanks to my best buddy, Ford, for the horrible pickup lines(Just read, then you'll understand). Enjoy.**

{Fade in to Janeway sitting on a couch in the Captain's lounge. She is looking out the window, thoughtful. She's doing that thing where she leans her head against her hand. You know what I'm talking about. She has a wistful look.}

Janeway's Voiceover: *Sounds of someone breathing into a mike* Is this working? Hello?

Janeway: (Picks her head up, looking annoyed) Yes! It's on! Just say your line!

Janeway's Voiceover: Sorry.

Janeway: (Gets back into position) Just don't do it again.

Janeway's Voiceover: *Clears her throat* I will always look back on that day and wonder...why? Why did it happen? What went wrong? And, most importantly, what could I have done to stop it?

(The door chimes)

Janeway: Come in!

(Chakotay enters.)

Chakotay: Hello, Captain.

Janeway: (Looks at him) Hi, Chakotay.

Chakotay: I thought you might want to talk about what happened.

Janeway: Not really.

Chakotay: Oh. (Looks disappointed.) Um...how about if I told you one of those stories?

Janeway: Oh, gosh no!

Chakotay: Oh. (Looks disappointed.) What if you consulted your animal guide?

Janeway: (Glares at Chakotay)

Chakotay: Never mind.

Janeway: What do you want, Chakotay?

Chakotay: (Brings out a script) Well, I'm supposed to start a flashback scene here, but you're not being very helpful.

Janeway: (Looks at the script) Oh, you're right! Well, how do we start?

Chakotay: Um...you could just start talking about what happened. The camera will automatically start flashbacking.

Janeway: But you know what happened!

Chakotay: Yeah, but the audience doesn't. And the audience wants to know, right?

(Audience nods)

Janeway: Why couldn't we have just started the episode from the beginning so we wouldn't have to have a flashback?

Chakotay: Because this way is more dramatic!

Janeway: It's stupid!

Chakotay: Just start the story! The fans are getting impatient!

Janeway: Who cares??

Chakotay: Ratings are dropping...

Janeway: (Freezes) Um...well...it started several weeks ago. We were having a party in the Mess Hall...

{Flashback to the Mess Hall several weeks ago. They're partying!! Well, as much as Starfleet officers EVER party. Janeway and Chakotay are talking together. Tom and B'Elanna are in a corner, and they're...um...just use your imagination. Harry is looking around, trying to find somebody to talk to. Neelix is cooking. And Seven and the Doctor are talking. Yes, Seven's wearing her normal outfit.}

Seven: Are you sure my hair looks alright? (She pats her hair)

Doctor: It looks beautiful.

Seven: Good, it took me 4 hours to put it up. What about the outfit?

Doctor: Absolutely perfect! And they say the Borg have no fashion sense! Although the heels could be a little higher.

Seven: (Looks down) They're 6 inches!

Doctor: You could go at least 7, Seven.

Seven: I already have enough trouble on away missions with the heels I have.

Doctor: Ratings, Seven. Ratings.

(Tuvok comes running up, looking like he had one too many to drink. He slaps the Doctor on the shoulder.)

Tuvok: Doctor! Doc! (He sticks out a finger) Pull my finger, Doc!

Doctor: Tuvok, are you drunk?!

Tuvok: Of course not! Pull my finger!

Doctor: Certainly not!

(Seven, curious, pulls it. Tuvok doesn't do anything.)

Doctor: Is that it?

Tuvok: That's what I was wondering. It seemed to be a popular joke among humans, but I've never seen anything past that.

Doctor: (Rolls his eyes.)

(Switch over to Tom and B'Elanna, who are having a major make-out session in the corner. Harry comes up) Harry: (Taps Tom on the shoulder)

(Tom doesn't turn around.)

Harry: (Rocks back and forth on his heels while waiting. After a couple minutes, he taps Tom on the shoulder again.)

(Tom still doesn't turn around. Neelix walks up.)

Neelix: Hello, Ensign. Are you enjoying the party?

Harry: I'm waiting for Tom.

Neelix: (Seems to notice Tom and B'Elanna for the first time.) Oh my! I was looking for him. (He taps Tom on the shoulder)

(Tom doesn't turn around)

Neelix: Do you think he'll be done soon?

Harry: (Shrugs) I dunno. I'll wait.

(Switch to Naomi Wildman skipping through the crowd. She shakes hands with random crewmembers)

Naomi: Hi! I'm the Captain's Assistant!

(She keeps skipping along. Her mother walks up to her.)

Wildman: Naomi. It's bedtime.

Naomi: No! I'm scared of monsters under my bed! I want Neelix to tell me a bedtime story.

Wildman: (Rolls her eyes) Okay let's go find Neelix.

(Wildman and Naomi walk over to Neelix, who's still waiting for Tom)

Wildman: Uh...Neelix?

Neelix: Shhh! I'm waiting to talk to Tom.

Wildman: Oh.

(All four stand there for a couple minutes waiting for Tom to finish making out.)

Wildman: Is he gonna be done sometime soon?

Harry: (Shrugs)

(Switch over to the Doctor and Seven again.)

Doctor: Now, I have a question for you, Seven. If beauty is irrelevant, why are you wearing a catsuit and high heels along with make up?

Seven: Ratings.

Doctor: I see. Well, then. Social Lesson #47: Dancing. True, it didn't go well last time, but pick a guy that you want to dance with.

Seven: (Scans the crowd) I believe I have found him.

Doctor: Good, let's go.

(Switch back to Tom and B'Elanna. Seven and the Doctor walk up.)

Seven: Harry Kim, would you like to dance with me?

Harry: I'm waiting to talk to Tom.

Seven: Can't you talk to him later?

Harry: I want to talk to him now. You'll have to wait.

Neelix: (Leans over to Harry) Harry, you are refusing to dance with Seven of Nine. Are you feeling okay?

Harry: I'm not good at making decisions. That's why I'm still an ensign.

(Tuvok comes up.)

Tuvok: Hey, can I get to Tom?

Harry: What for?

Tuvok: I want to show him my joke.

Harry: Are you drunk?

Tuvok: Of course not! Where is he?

Harry: We're waiting for him. Get in line.

(Switch over to Janeway and Chakotay)

Chakotay: (Smirks) This is shaping up to be a good party.

Janeway: Quit that!

Chakotay: (Frowns) Quit what?

Janeway: Whenever you say something the least bit funny, you have that stupid smirk on your face. Don't do it again!

Chakotay: Yes, maam.

Janeway: What's this party for anyway?

Chakotay: To celebrate Tom and B'Elanna's marriage.

Janeway: Well, let's go see the happy couple.

(Switch over to Tom and B'Elanna...and the crowd waiting on them. Janeway and Chakotay enter.)

Janeway: What on earth is going on?

Neelix: We're waiting on Tom and B'Elanna.

Janeway: I see.

Chakotay: (Waits for Janeway)

Janeway: (Waits for Tom and B'Elanna)

Tuvok: (Waits for Tom)

Doctor: (Waits for Seven)

Seven: (Waits for Harry)

Harry: (Waits for Tom)

Wildman: (Waits for Naomi)

Naomi: (Waits for Neelix)

Neelix: (Waits for the heck of it)

Tom and B'Elanna: (Are setting a record for the longest kiss ever)

{Unflashback. Back to the lounge with Janeway and Chakotay.}

Chakotay: Kathryn, that didn't have anything to do with what happened.

Janeway: Oh, it didn't? Oh yeah. I forgot. I was just remembering that.

Chakotay: We've wasted a good 7 minutes with that clip. And this is a long episode. The producers had to cut a lot.

Janeway: Well, then. Let's do a two-parter.

Chakotay: Two-parter?

Janeway: Sure.

Chakotay: (Flips through the script) But, it's not in the script.

Janeway: We'll improvise.

Chakotay: Okay. Hey...we're doing a two-parter without the Borg! This'll feel weird.

Janeway: It will. But we'll get used to it. Now what do we do?

Chakotay: You still need to flashback, remember?

Janeway: Oh yeah. Let's see...I remember! We had just met up with some alien race with a funky name. I can't recall their names...let's call them the Trekkers, okay?

{Begin 2nd flashback. On the bridge. The regular people are there. Janeway is pacing the bridge.}

Janeway: Where are they? The Trekkers were supposed to be here 15 minutes ago!

Tuvok: Patience. You must have patience.

Janeway: (Glares at Tuvok) No Vulcan philosophy allowed on MY bridge.

Tuvok: Yes, maam.

Harry: I'm detecting a ship. It's the Trekkers.

Janeway: Finally! Hail them.

(A Trekker appears on the viewscreen with a camera. He quickly shoots a picture of Janeway, then puts the camera down.)

Trekker: Finally! I've always wanted a picture of the famous Janeway.

Janeway: You said your planet needed assistance. In what way?

Trekker: Our people have been caught up in mass media for a long time now. Recently, an unexplained power surge hit our planet, causing a planetwide disruption of power. Now, we have no more TV's, computers, etc. We need help restoring power...

Chakotay: I feel a plot-twist coming.

Trekker: Boy, you're smart. In exchange, we will give you information on finding your way home.

(The bridge crew's eyes' glaze over)

Everybody: Home.

Janeway: To my dog.

Chakotay: To my ancestors.

Harry: To my...uh...fiance.

Paris: To Dad. (He makes a face)

Tuvok: To the desert-hot scorching planet of Vulcan where my wife is loyally waiting for my return.

Chakotay: (Aside to Tuvok) I wouldn't count on that "loyal" part, Tuvok.

Trekker: Yes, to your home. But first you have to fix our problem, and I can assure you that there will be many plot-twists.

Janeway: We accept. We'll follow you back to your planet.

Trekker: Thank you so much, Captain! We worship the ground you walk on.

Janeway: Yeah. Yeah. Just lead the way.

(Switch to the Mess Hall. Seven is there eating one of her exciting nutritional supplements. Neelix walks up to her.)

Neelix: Hello, Seven!

Seven: Do not disturb me. I am eating.

Neelix: I hear you're going to save the day in this episode.

Seven: Naturally.

Neelix: I was wondering if I could help.

Seven: (Struggles to keep from laughing) Sure. You just go cook.

Neelix: Really. I'm starting to feel somewhat useless. 

Seven: What do you propose I do?

Neelix: Um....how about I help you save the day!

Seven: Let you...help...ME...save the day?

Neelix: Yes!

Seven: No.

Neelix: Please?

Seven: Go away. You're boring me.

Neelix: (Walks away, head hung in shame)

{Scene change to the Captain's Lounge. Janeway is there, reading some stuff on her little computer. Chakotay enters.}

Chakotay: Reading up on the Trekkers?

Janeway: Hey, it's required. And now I have to tell you at least 3 interesting facts about them.

Chakotay: Okay. Go.

Janeway: Um....they look a lot like us.

Chakotay: That isn't interesting. Every alien is like that.

Janeway: Oh. Um...they have a rich, interesting past.

Chakotay: So does every other alien.

Janeway: Um...they live on a planet?

Chakotay: What are you reading? (He walks forward and turns the computer screen towards him)

Janeway: Don't!

Chakotay: What's this? What does J/C mean? And why am I taking off my uniform in it?

Janeway: (Turns the screen back towards her) You are dismissed. NOW.

(Chakotay obediently leaves)

{Unflashback. Back to the present.}

Chakotay: Yeah, what were you reading then?

Janeway: (Looks uncomfortable) Uh...nothing. Can I get back to the story now?

{Flashback again. To the bridge. Janeway and all are there. The Trekker dude is onscreen.}

Trekker: We have reached my planet, Captain. We will allow you to beam down a team of people so that you can investigate the problem and fix it.

Janeway: Very well. We'll form an away team.

Trekker: Captain! We would like to request that Seven of Nine be part of the away team.

Janeway: Why?

Chakotay: (Aside to Janeway) You're asking why someone would want SEVEN on their planet? Think big, Captain.

Janeway: (Glares at Chakotay)

Trekker: Because...we feel that she is very knowledgeable about our technology.

Janeway: Okay. We'll send her down.

Trekker: Thank you, Captain.

(The screen shuts off.)

Janeway: Okay, send Seven down. And Tuvok. And...how about Harry? We need somebody to get hurt. And put in a nameless extra to get killed. And throw Neelix down there, too.

Chakotay: Why Neelix?

Janeway: Plot twist.

{Scene change to the planet surface. It looks remarkably like a lot of other planets they visited. The away team appears out of thin air! Thanks to the wonderful miracle of transporter technology! A Trekker walks up and greets them.}

Trekker: Welcome to our humble planet -

Seven: (Interrupts) Take us to your main power plant.

Tuvok: (Aside to Seven) Don't interrupt.

Seven: It's more efficient.

Tuvok: Remember diplomacy.

Seven: (Rolls her eyes) Continue with your time-wasting speech.

Trekker: Uh...never mind. Just follow me.

(The team starts walking along after the Trekker.)

Harry: (Whispering to Tuvok) Tuvok, I think that there's some animosity toward the government on this planet.

Tuvok: Where did you get that idea?

Harry: Look around you!

(Tuvok looks around and sees people parading on the sidewalks holding signs saying things like "Down with Government", "Let the People Rule", "We Want a Voice", and "No More Star Trek Reruns!".)

Tuvok: Maybe you are jumping to conclusions, Ensign. You are young, and have not yet learned the ways of the world.

Harry: Still, I think something's wrong here.

Tuvok: If you get a promotion, I might be more inclined to hear you out. But as you are still a lowly ensign, I don't want to hear anything from you.

Harry: But, Tuvok -

Tuvok: (Motions with his hand across his mouth) Zip it!

Harry: But -

Tuvok: (Does that hand motion again)

Harry: (Kicks the dirt) Aw...shucks! I wish I were a lieutenant!

(Our happy Starfleet group soon arrives at the main power plant. There's a guy standing outside, waiting for the group.)

Guy: Are these the geniuses that are gonna help me fix this thing?

Seven: Yes.

Nameless Extra: (Raises a hand) Actually, I'm just here to get killed.

Tuvok: We are working on that.

Seven: (Down to business) What happened here?

Guy: We don't know. Bob was working the late shift when something like lightening came down and hit the power plant. All the power worldwide was kaput, and Bob...well...poor Bob.

Tuvok: Intriguing. Do you have any sensor readings of this power surge?

Guy: (Slowly) Our - power - is - off. We don't have nothing.

Harry: "Anything".

Guy: Pardon?

Harry: Hey, I'm just feeling a little useless so I've decided to correct your grammar.

Seven: Don't mind him. He's just an ensign.

Guy: I see. Well, why don't I show you around?

Tuvok: Seven and Harry will accompany you, Guy. Neelix, Nameless Extra, and myself will begin scans on the planet.

Neelix: May I say something?

Tuvok: No, you're only down here to get your allotted 3 minutes of screentime.

Neelix: Sorry.

(The group splits up. Tuvok, Neelix, and Nameless Extra go off with the Trekker while Guy shows Seven and Harry inside the plant.)

Guy: This power disruption was real strange. We don't have the technobabble to describe it.

Seven: Species 474747. Primitive.

Guy: What?

Seven: I'm required to say that. Ignore it.

Guy: Okay.

(Switch to Tuvok's group)

Tuvok: It appears as if the people are becoming increasingly hostile.

Trekker: Them? Oh, don't mind them. They're always like that.

Tuvok: Of course. Our Prime Directive prevents us from doing anything to interfere with your world.

Nameless Extra: Then shouldn't it prevent us from helping them in the first place?

Neelix: He's getting more lines than me!

Tuvok: (Ignoring Neelix) That's different. We are providing assistance.

Nameless Extra: Yes, but if this were caused by a natural event, then we should stay out. Otherwise you're inconsistently applying the Prime Directive.

Tuvok: You are starting to annoy me.

Nameless Extra: I thought Vulcans didn't have feelings.

Tuvok: Nevertheless, you are annoying me. I hope you get killed off soon.

Neelix: Now, now. It's useless fighting. Actually, one episode of TNG stated that the Prime Directive only applied to pre-warp civilizations.

(Tuvok and Nameless Extra stare at Neelix)

Nameless Extra: You watch Star Trek? Weird.

Tuvok: Neelix, you are not supposed to talk. Be quiet.

Neelix: I'm just saying that the Prime Directive doesn't apply here...

Tuvok: It's not in the script.

Nameless Extra: What is in the script?

Tuvok: (Gets the script out) Ah...our Trekker guide will get shot and we'll be kidnapped.

Trekker: Me? Shot? Preposterous!

(Then one of the unhappy citizens pulls out a gun and shoots Trekker.)

Nameless Extra: Well, that was rather cliche.

Unhappy Citizen: Put your weapons down! We're going to kidnap you and hold you hostage until our demands are met.

(Tuvok, Neelix, and Nameless Extra all drop their weapons)

Tuvok: Then we will figure out a clever escape plan and make you look stupid.

Unhappy Citizen: Yeah, well. It's something.

Neelix: I thought we were going to have a moral dilemma in here somewhere.

Tuvok: That comes in Part Two.

Neelix: I see.

(Switch back to Seven, Harry, and Guy. Guy's showing them around.)

Guy: This is our technology. It's less advanced then your own, but you have no clue how to fix it because the energy pulse was funky.

Seven: (Inspects the technology) Not as advanced as our own.

Harry: (Also inspects the technology) Something weird happened. I don't know if we know how to fix it.

Seven: The energy pulse was of an unusual nature.

Guy: Starfleet: Predictable.

Harry: I'm going to go and inspect a part of the plant outside this room, leaving the two of you alone to form a weak romance that is necessary in any episode with a guest star.

Seven: Naturally.

(Harry leaves)

Guy: So, you're Borg.

Seven: Yes. And you're a Trekker.

Guy: Sounds like we're perfect for each other. Resistance is futile, right?

Seven: You could think of a better line than that.

Guy: Best I could do. I'm just a guest star.

Seven: I refuse to continue with this romance until you come up with a good line.

Guy: Aw, come on! It's in the script!

Seven: I don't care.

Guy: Gosh, these Borg are tough!

(Switch to the rebellion. We see a door and hear Tuvok's, Neelix's, and Nameless Extra's horrified screams. Then we see the room. The three Starfleet people are tied to chairs being forced to watch...Olsen Twin's videos!)

Tuvok: Turn it off! Turn it off!

Neelix: I don't know who they are, but they must be evil!

Nameless Extra: Please? Please!

Unhappy Citizen: Okay, we'll turn it off.

Nameless Extra: Thank you. I knew you'd show mercy.

Unhappy Citizen: Well, not towards you. Joe, here, has to bike really fast to generate enough electricity to show the videos. The power's down, remember?

Nameless Extra: Oh. Yeah. Thanks anyway.

Neelix: Something's wrong with Mr. Tuvok!

(Tuvok seems to have gone into shock.)

Unhappy Citizen: No! We need him! And we don't have a doctor!

Nameless Extra: Let me go! I have medical training!

Neelix: You do?

Nameless Extra: Hey, I'm a very GOOD extra.

(Unhappy Citizen unties Nameless Extra, who uses special Trek secrets to cure Tuvok.)

Neelix: Wow. He's more important to the plot than I am.

{Unflashback to Janeway and Chakotay. Janeway has stopped talking.}

Chakotay: What's wrong? Too painful?

Janeway: How do I know what happened on the planet?

Chakotay: What?

Janeway: I'm telling the story, right? But so far, all that's happened has happened away from me, so how do I know what happened?

Chakotay: Uh...you read the script.

Janeway: Oh, yeah. I need more coffee.

{Flashback to Seven, Harry, and Guy.}

Guy: How about...Hey, we come from different quadrants...and opposites attract!

Harry: (Winces) That was worse than the last one.

Guy: Now, she's ignoring me! We need to get the romance in.

Harry: I'll help you.

Seven: You? Help him? With romance?

Harry: Yeah.

Seven: (Tries to keep from laughing)

Harry: (Ignores Seven and pulls Guy aside.) Listen, Seven is a Borg. She wants perfection. So you just have to find the perfect pickup line and she'll fall for you.

Guy: What's the perfect pickup line?

Harry: Heck if I know! If I did, you can bet I wouldn't tell you about it.

(Harry walks away while Guy thinks.)

Guy: I got one!

(Guy walks over to Seven who is working on some technology.)

Guy: Hey. Wanna go back to my place? I put new meaning to the phrase "Red Alert". 

Seven: (Stares for a minute) If you persist with your stupidity I will be forced to hit you with my tricorder.

Guy: So I guess that wasn't it.

Seven: Go away.

Guy: Darn!

{Switch to scene of bridge. Janeway is sitting in her chair. Chakotay and Paris are also there.}

Janeway: And so I said to Brannon, "No, I won't stuff my bra for ratings." Then he just shook his head and started looking for Roxann.

Tom: Uh...captain! Camera!

Janeway: Ah, yes! Camera. What part are we at?

Chakotay: This is where we get the message from the Trekkers.

Tom: Captain, I'm detecting something.

Janeway: What is it?

Tom: It seems to be a bottle...with a message in it! It came from the planet's surface!

Janeway: A bottle?

Chakotay: Their power is down. Guess they used whatever they could.

Janeway: Okay, then. Beam it onboard.

(Cool transporter sound effects. The bottle appears in front of Janeway. She grabs it.)

Janeway: How do I get the message out?

Tom: Break it.

Janeway: How?

Tom: Smash it against something.

Janeway: (Looks around) Chakotay, hold still.

Chakotay: No! Hit the extra! Hit the EXTRA!

Janeway: Oh yeah. Come here, Extra.

Extra: (Walks over obediently.)

Janeway: (Hits Extra with the bottle. It breaks, letting her get the message.)

Tom: What's it say?

Janeway: Hmmm...it's using letters cut out from magazines. Sneaky. (Reads) "Hello, Captain. We have three of your crewmembers. Two are unimportant, but we're sure you want the pointy-eared one. So, kill all of our government officials and give us control of the planet or we'll kill them. P.S. You have a lovely ship."

Tom: They have Tuvok, Neelix, and Nameless Extra.

Chakotay: Oh well. No harm done.

Janeway: We must do something.

Chakotay: But the Prime Directive...

Janeway: Now's our obligatory argument that always happens in the 1st half right before the ending. Come along.

(Chakotay and Janeway leave to her Ready Room.)

Chakotay: Captain, the Prime Directive is clear. We can't interfere.

Janeway: Why are you spouting the Prime Directive? You're MAQUIS!

Chakotay: Still...I have to.

Janeway: Listen, I have been consistent in my appliance of the Prime Directive...

Chakotay: No, you haven't.

Janeway: What?

Chakotay: You're always doing something different with this. Truthfully, the crew doesn't know your exact stance on the Prime Directive. Sometimes you stick with it. Sometimes you bend it. Sometimes you break it.

Janeway: Chakotay.

Chakotay: Yes?

Janeway: Suppose I stick with it and leave now. Would we have a 2nd part to this TWO-PARTER?

Chakotay: Uh...no...

Janeway: You see? That's why we need to break it now and rescue our people.

Chakotay: Oh. Okay.

{Switch to Seven, Harry, and Guy.}

Guy: You and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so let's...

Seven: Definitely not.

Harry: Ooo...that was pretty bad.

Guy: Part one is almost over and there's no romance! We need romance!

Harry: You just keep trying.

Seven: I believe I have found the moral dilemma of our story.

Harry: What?

Seven: Voyager caused the power surge.

(Music swells as we see a close-up of Seven's face.)

Guy: Um...isn't that the end of Part one?

Harry: Should be. Maybe the camera's forgotten to cut off.

Seven: It's supposed to cut off at the most annoying moment.

Harry: That would be annoying to be cut off right there, though.

Seven: Oh darn! My bra clasp came undone. I'm going to have to fix that! (Starts unzipping her uniform)

{Black out.}

Voiceover: Next time, on Star Trek Voyager:

(Clips from the next part follow)

Guy: What's the plan in this part?

Harry: Well, we'll deal with the moral dilemma, kill the bad guys, and tie up loose ends. Of course, it won't be as good as the first part, but then again, the 2nd part never is.

(Switch clip)

(Suddenly, rebels have surrounded our heroes with primitive guns.)

Unhappy Citizen: Stop now! You are being taken prisoner until we gain our rights!

Seven: Isn't it in your best interests to let us continue our work on getting the power up?

Unhappy Citizen: We're not too smart. Just like every other alien.

(Switch clip)

Tuvok: You don't have a name. You have to die.

Nameless Extra: Actually. I have a name. It's Roy Longhorn.

Tuvok and Neelix: (Gasp)

(Switch clip)

Roy: Tuvok, are you crying?

Tuvok: (Wipes a hand across his face) Of course not. Let us move on. We shall try to find Seven's group.

(Switch clip)

Extra: (Tapps commbadge) Extra to Doc. Be prepared for a medical emergency. Chakotay's piloting a shuttle.

Doc: I'll be ready.

(Switch clip)

Harry: No! Diplomacy, Seven! Diplomacy!

Seven: Oops.

(Switch clip)

Chakotay: (Checks pulse) He's dead.

**AN cont'd: In the great Trek tradition, you will have to wait till next week for the next part. I will post it as chapter 2 under this story.**


	2. Part Two

**Yes! The 2nd part. Enjoy.**

{That Announcer person starts talking}

Announcer: Last time on Star Trek: Voyager {A collage of clips from the last show(With dramatic music, of course) that are supposed to be helpful in remembering what happened.}

Janeway's Voiceover: *Sounds of someone breathing into a mike* Is this working? Hello?

Janeway: (Picks her head up, looking annoyed) Yes! It's on! Just say your line!

Janeway's Voiceover: Sorry.

(Switch clip)

Tuvok: Doctor! Doc! (He sticks out a finger) Pull my finger, Doc!

Doctor: Tuvok, are you drunk?!

Tuvok: Of course not! Pull my finger!

Doctor: Certainly not!

(Switch clip)

Janeway: (Glares at Tuvok) No Vulcan philosophy allowed on MY bridge.

(Switch clip)

Chakotay: I feel a plot-twist coming.

Trekker: Boy, you're smart. In exchange, we will give you information on finding your way home.

(The bridge crew's eyes' glaze over)

Everybody: Home.

(Switch clip)

Chakotay: What's this? What does J/C mean? And why am I taking off my uniform in it?

Janeway: (Turns the screen back towards her) You are dismissed. NOW.

(Switch clip)

Harry: (Whispering to Tuvok) Tuvok, I think that there's some animosity toward the government on this planet.

Tuvok: Where did you get that idea?

Harry: Look around you!

(Tuvok looks around and sees people parading on the sidewalks holding signs saying things like "Down with Government", "Let the People Rule", "We Want a Voice", and "No More Star Trek Reruns!".)

Tuvok: Maybe you are jumping to conclusions, Ensign. You are young, and have not yet learned the ways of the world.

(Switch clip)

Guy: Sounds like we're perfect for each other. Resistance is futile, right?

Seven: You could think of a better line than that.

Guy: Best I could do. I'm just a guest star.

Seven: I refuse to continue with this romance until you come up with a good line.

(Switch clip)

(We see a door and hear Tuvok's, Neelix's, and Nameless Extra's horrified screams. Then we see the room. The three Starfleet people are tied to chairs being forced to watch...Olsen Twin's videos!)

(Switch clip)

Janeway: Hmmm...it's using letters cut out from magazines. Sneaky. (Reads) "Hello, Captain. We have three of your crewmembers. Two are unimportant, but we're sure you want the pointy-eared one. So, kill all of our government officials and give us control of the planet or we'll kill them. P.S. You have a lovely ship."

(Switch clip)

Seven: Oh darn! My bra clasp came undone. I'm going to have to fix that! (Starts unzipping her uniform)

(Back to that Announcer)

Announcer: And now, the exciting conclusion.

{We see Seven, Harry, and Guy. Seven was just about to fix her bra.}

Seven: Oh, wait. It didn't come undone. Never mind.

Harry: That's a sneaky way of boosting ratings.

Seven: Hey, it works. 

Guy: What's the plan in this part?

Harry: Well, we'll deal with the moral dilemma, kill the bad guys, and tie up loose ends. Of course, it won't be as good as the first part, but then again, the 2nd part never is.

Seven: But first we need the flashforward.

{Unflashback to Janeway and Chakotay}

Janeway: I wonder how she knew there'd be a flashforward then?

Chakotay: She's Seven.

Janeway: Yes, anyway. That was the beginning of it. What she learned there would affect our journey.

{Flashback to Seven and Harry and Guy}

Harry: Well, that flashforward was pointless.

Seven: Dramatic effect.

Guy: Anyway, what's the moral dilemma?

Seven: Voyager caused the power surge.

Harry: How?

Seven: Our transporters destroyed the stability of space in the Delta Quadrant. There was a subspace burst which emitted regathon particles into the Trekkers' sun, causing a myoptic power surge to hit their planet.

Guy: And in English that would mean?

Seven: Our transporters hurt space. Hurt your sun. And your sun hurt your planet.

Guy: I see. 

Harry: This is happening throughout the Delta Quadrant?

Seven: Yes.

Guy: So you guys shouldn't use your transporters anymore, otherwise lots of people will die.

Seven: Correct.

Guy: That's stupid.

Seven: Regardless, it's in the script.

Harry: We should tell the captain. (He presses the commbadge) Kim to Voyager.

Guy: They're not responding.

Seven: There must be some residual myoptic particles interfering.

Guy: Then how come you guys' tricorders are working?

Harry: They aren't. We've just been acting like they have.

Guy: Oh. Good.

(Suddenly, rebels have surrounded our heroes with primitive guns.)

Unhappy Citizen: Stop now! You are being taken prisoner until we gain our rights!

Seven: Isn't it in your best interests to let us continue our work on getting the power up?

Unhappy Citizen: We're not too smart. Just like every other alien.

{Switch to the rebel base. Tuvok, Neelix, and Nameless Extra have been put in a cell with two guards watching them. They are coming up with a plan!}

Tuvok: Then Nameless Extra will be a distraction and will sacrifice his life to let us escape.

Nameless Extra: Why me?

Tuvok: You don't have a name. You have to die.

Nameless Extra: Actually. I have a name. It's Roy Longhorn.

Tuvok and Neelix: (Gasp)

Tuvok: He has a name?

Neelix: And a last name!

Tuvok: This is illogical. He is getting more screentime than Neelix.

Neelix: And more lines!

Tuvok: The extra is becoming a well-developed character. Something is very wrong.

Roy: What?

Tuvok: Start the escape plan now. Quick! It is imperative that we get rid of him.

(Roy, obediently, starts running around the cell like an idiot. The guards look at him like he's crazy while Tuvok and Neelix start sneaking up on the guards. Roy goes up to one guard and slaps him. The guard shoots at Roy, but he has bad aim and hits Neelix. This causes enough distraction for Tuvok to do the Vulcan Nerve Pinch to the two guards.)

Tuvok: This isn't right. The rules of Trek are going haywire!

Roy: He's dead!

Tuvok: Trek doesn't kill regulars. And they don't give extras names. It was supposed to be you who died.

Roy: Can we discuss this later? I'm sure several hundred rebels are going to be coming after us soon.

(Roy runs out of the cell with Tuvok behind him)

{Switch to Voyager's Mess Hall. B'Elanna and Tom are sitting together.}

Tom: So what's the point of this scene?

B'Elanna: A bit of relief to do a recap on the plot.

Tom: Oh.

B'Elanna: See, the Trekkers have had a power surge and they asked for help. But one of our teams is being held hostage by some rebels. Now the Captain's agonizing over what to do.

Tom: Are we going to have a part in this episode?

B'Elanna: Not really. I would've gone down to the planet, but Seven took my spot...like always.

Tom: Well...since we're not doing anything in this episode...why don't we go back to our quarters and...you know.

B'Elanna: Not now, dear. My head hurts.

(Tom gets a horrified look on his face.)

Tom: Oh my gosh. We're acting like a married couple.

B'Elanna: Maybe because we ARE a married couple. Now I'm going to check on some things in Engineering. I'll be home later.

(B'Elanna leaves.)

Tom: This is not good.

{Switch to Seven, Harry, and Guy who have been thrown into a cell.}

Guy: Haven't we seen each other somewhere? I know! The assimilation chamber, right?

Seven: You were never assimilated.

Guy: I'm trying! Really hard! But you're not helping.

Seven: Our first priority is getting out of this cell.

Harry: I bet the captain is working on a plan to get us out right now.

{Scene change to Janeway in her ready room. She's sitting down and has a hat on the floor. She holds a deck of cards, and is trying to throw the cards into the hat.}

Janeway: Crap! This is harder than it looks.

(Chakotay enters)

Chakotay: Captain, shouldn't you be working on the hostage situation?

Janeway: We're only 10 minutes into the episode. We have time.

Chakotay: Yes, but -

Janeway: Remember, everything has to be resolved in the last 5 minutes to draw out the suspense.

Chakotay: Naturally, but -

Janeway: So we'll wait. It shouldn't be too hard to bust in there and get our crew.

Chakotay: They're planning on killing them if we don't respond.

Janeway: Yeah, well. The producers would never kill off a main character...

{Switch to Tuvok and Roy who are hiding somewhere in the base}

Tuvok: This is highly illogical. Why would they kill Neelix?

Roy: They were aiming for me. They just had the customary Trek Bad Guy Bad Aim and missed. They hit Neelix. It was an accident.

Tuvok: And you have a name. This does not bode well for the future of Voyager.

Roy: Can we discuss this AFTER we get out of here?

Tuvok: I suppose. Which way is the exit?

{Scene change to B'Elanna and Tom's quarters. Tom is waiting for B'Elanna to come home. She enters.}

Tom: Finally!

B'Elanna: I told you I'd be working late.

Tom: We just got married and we're already acting like an old couple.

B'Elanna: Hey, they needed a B-plot for filler. This is it.

Tom: Oh. So after this episode everything'll go back to normal?

B'Elanna: Naturally. Now I'm going to bed.

Tom: (Smiles) Do you want to -

B'Elanna: No.

Tom: Darn!

{Switch to Seven, Harry, and Guy.}

Guy: Here's one. You know what you'd look good in? Chocolate.

Seven: You're annoying.

(Unhappy Citizen enters)

Unhappy Citizen: I come to you in the hopes that we can settle this peacefully. For too long, we have been oppressed by our government. We have been forced into jobs we don't want, marriages we don't like, and reruns of Star Trek. No more. Help us. Please.

Seven: Very well. We will assist you.

Harry: No we won't. It goes against our Prime Directive.

Guy: I'm with Unhappy Citizen. I wanted to be a garbage man, but they forced me to work at the power plant.

Seven: Harry, you are just an ensign, so you have no say in this. I say we help them

Unhappy Citizen: You will not regret your decision. Come with me.

{Scene change to Tuvok and Roy, who have managed to escape from the base.}

Roy: Well, we're out. Now what?

Tuvok: We must find some way to contact Voyager.

Roy: They took our commbadge.

Tuvok: Hmmm....

Roy: Maybe if we yelled loud enough...

Tuvok: That is illogical.

Roy: I'm sure Neelix would have come up with a plan.

Tuvok: Yes. Neelix was always resourceful.

Roy: And nice. A good friend.

Tuvok: Yes. I always considered him to be one of my closest friends.

Roy: Me, too. He was a good cook, as well.

Tuvok: I always enjoyed his leola root soup.

(Tuvok and Roy hang their heads in sorrow.)

Roy: Tuvok, are you crying?

Tuvok: (Wipes a hand across his face) Of course not. Let us move on. We shall try to find Seven's group.

{Scene change to the bridge. Janeway is filing her nails while lounging in the Captain's chair. Chakotay is there, but Paris isn't. Instead, there are some extras.}

Chakotay: Shouldn't we be looking into a rescue sometime soon?

Janeway: It can wait. These nails can't.

Chakotay: But...

Janeway: Uh-uh.

Chakotay: My people have a story -

Janeway: I don't want to hear it.

Chakotay: Do you want to talk to your animal guide?

Janeway: No.

Chakotay: How about if I just go do it all by myself?

Janeway: Sure. Then you'll get that screentime you've been whining for.

(Chakotay, determined, leaves for the transporter room.)

{Scene change to transporter room. Chakotay enters.}

Chakotay: Beam me to the planet.

Extra: Can't.

Chakotay: Why not?

Extra: Transporters are offline.

Chakotay: Why?

Extra: Do you really want me to go into the technobabble?

Chakotay: No. I'll just take a shuttle.

(Chakotay exits)

Extra: (Tapps commbadge) Extra to Doc. Be prepared for a medical emergency. Chakotay's piloting a shuttle.

Doc: I'll be ready.

{Scene change to the rebels with Seven, Harry, and Guy}

Seven: The easiest way to achieve your goal is to simply assimilate all government officials.

Unhappy Citizen: I'm afraid we'd rather just kill them.

Seven: We don't kill. We assimilate.

Harry: (Holds up a hand) Uh...she's speaking for the Borg, not Starfleet.

Seven: Am not.

Harry: Are too.

Seven: Am not.

Harry: Are TOO.

Seven: Am NOT.

Harry: Are - Why are we doing this? Listen, Starfleet doesn't assimilate.

Seven: Yes, it does.

Harry: (To Seven) What are you doing?

Seven: Simply trying to do this as efficiently as possible. Having them believe that it is standard Starfleet procedure will make it go faster.

Harry: We're not assimilating ANYBODY!

Guy: Seven, you can assimilate me.

Unhappy Citizen: Maybe we don't need your help anyway. We should just kill you, too.

Seven: That would be inefficient. You need us.

Unhappy Citizen: We don't need no stinkin' Borg.

Seven: (Is highly insulted)

Harry: That's a double negative. So you're implying that you DO need -

(Seven grabs a gun from one of the guards and shoots Unhappy Citizen)

Harry: No! Diplomacy, Seven! Diplomacy!

Seven: Oops.

(Just then, a shuttle crashes through the roof, smashing the rest of the rebels. Chakotay comes out.)

Chakotay: I lost control.

Harry: You saved us!

Seven: (Approving) Very efficient.

Harry: Commander, we have some disturbing findings to report.

Chakotay: Let's find Tuvok, Neelix, and Unnamed Extra and get back to Voyager. Then you can tell us.

(Guy pulls Seven aside)

Guy: Seven, I just want you to know that I appreciate you for who you are and not just for your chest.

(Audience lets out a collective "Ahhhh".)

Seven: (Smiles) You're cute.

(Seven kisses Guy, causing ratings to soar)

Seven: Maybe you can join us on Voyager...

Guy: I'd -

(Slow motion as Harry hears Guy, he turns and starts running towards him)

Harry: (Slow motion running) NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOO!!

Guy: Love - 

Harry: (Jumps in slow motion, arms out) NNNNNOOOOO!!!

Guy: To.

Harry: (Is too late)

(Guy falls to the ground, shaking. Then he lies still.)

Chakotay: (Checks pulse) He's dead.

Harry: Seven! Don't you know that at the first sign we might be picking up an extra person, that person HAS to die. Why'd you do that? You know the producers would NEVER go for that!

Seven: (Sad) He was the first person to appreciate me for who I was. Why? Why did he have to die?

(She looks at Harry with tears in her eyes)

Harry: Why don't you come back to my quarters on Voyager and I'll tell you?

Seven: (Walks past him) No way, ensign.

{Scene change to Voyager's conference room. Everybody has been gathered there, including Tuvok and Roy.}

Janeway: This has been a bad day for all of us. I, for one, am having a horrible hair day. We have lost Mr. Neelix, gained Roy Longhorn, found out that we can't use our transporters, and we have no way of helping the Trekkers, so they won't tell us how to get home. This is a sad day in Trek.

(Everybody hangs their head in sadness)

Janeway: But I prefer to look on the bright side of things. The good part about this all this is...um...well...

Roy: You have a new darned fine security officer?

Janeway: No, that's not it. Heck, there is nothing good about this. I say we just forget all this ever happened, okay? No one mention any of this to ANYONE.

{Unflashback to Janeway and Chakotay}

Janeway: Of course, I've just gone against my own orders by telling everybody about that.

Chakotay: The audience wanted one of our never-before-seen episodes. And they wonder why it's never been seen.

Janeway: Well, how's that for an episode?

Chakotay: I do have one question.

Janeway: What?

Chakotay: What WERE you reading on your computer?

Janeway: (Looks uncomfortable) You know, NOW would be a good time to roll credits...

{Roll credits. The End.}

**Apologies to Neelix fans. I really do like him, but him dying was part of the story.**


End file.
